The answer, my friend, is in the genes

There's a most curious trend in science that has been significantly affecting the way we all think about the world. When I was young, people slaved away in laboratories and, when they came up with a chemical analysis, they would proudly talk in terms of 1 part per 100. Now, they apply a version of Moore's Law, and seem worried that they are only able to measure in so few parts per tens of million. As a result, we now worry about contamination in food because it contains 1 part per million of some potentially dangerous pollutant. We also seem to believe that, once we have cracked the genetic code, we will be able to cure all ills through gene splicing. One of the more intensely researched genetic areas is male pattern baldness (not female baldness, you notice). Recently, two German universities, Dusseldorf and Bonn, announced they had identified a group of seven genes that are connected with hair loss. Well, we should all sleep more soundly in our beds tonight. Science is on the trail. The researchers are like a posse in the Wild West, out to track down the bad guys responsible for robbing men of their hair. So let's just imagine for a moment what this discovery means. You could test your baby boy on birth and, if it lacks the relevant genes, you could start the grieving process early. Perhaps you should buy stock in Merck & Co., the pharmaceutical company that makes propecia. That way, when your offspring is old enough to give it business, you can get a dividend. I should make it clear that propecia is the best drug to treat male pattern baldness. It's used by more than four million men world wide to keep their hair. Note it cannot be used by children (and women who always get left behind in research). It changes the balance of male hormones and affects the sexual development of growing boys. Needless to say, it adversely affects women. So until these clever researchers (mostly men) find the way to turn off the switch that triggers male baldness, you will just have to rely on propecia. Before I go, I should make a slightly more serious point. The way in which genes interact to produce a physical result is extremely complicated. Under normal circumstances, I would deeply resent diverting valuable research time to a cosmetic condition. However, this research may also help those who are deaf. The reason why people lose their hearing is because they are unable to replace the hair cells inside the ear that help to transmit the sounds. Unfortunately, propecia has no effect in slowing down the loss of hearing. So there is a genuinely serious condition that may be cured if this research does discover why all humans lose their hair (both on the head and inside the ear).